Saturday, October 17, 2009

Know Your Role and Your Worth

Role reversals in the black community is something that is all too familiar. Our households have consisted of absent fathers and drug addicted mothers for so long that we do not know our positions and better yet how to play them. Mothers have been forced to be fathers, daughter forced to be mothers and grandparents forced to be parents. We have a major problem in our community not only do we not know our role we do not know our worth. Women are looked at as sex objects instead of wives and mothers. Real men are looked down upon and boys are put in the position of men; meaning, a hardworking, respectful brother is looked at as lame but, the drug dealing, pants sagging, big rims having brother is looked at as the real man. We are truly confused!
Women first have to understand who they are. If women shape up society will shape up. Think about this, if there were no women to play the role as the “video girl” in music videos what do you think will happen? Will the artist just forget about the video or will they change it to fit more respectable women? When we wear clothes that are too little, too tight and mimic celebrities we wreak of low self esteem we would rather copy someone else style than find our own. We are so insecure that we would show every part of our body first rather than leave a little mystery so when approached by a guy we know it’s not because he seen our butt cheeks hanging out of a pair of shorts or a dress.
Men you have to start loving yourself enough to know that women are not the enemy. We have a generation of self-hating, irresponsible, fake, wanna-be men! You walk around with your pants hanging off your butt, a mouth full of gold teeth, a beat up car with RIMS and a system, flea market jewelry and you bobbin your head to songs like ballin! You don’t even have a house of your own, a job or money in the bank. If you aren’t the biggest lie I ever seen I don’t know what is. And women fall for the lie over and over again. We are so caught up in this Matrix that we can’t decipher real from fake if it’s standing right in front of us. Why is that? Simply because we hate ourselves and we are so scared to look inward for what we are searching for outward. As women we hold the position of being the giver and sustainer of life so why are we allowing ourselves to be used and abused by the very beings we birth into the world. As men you are the protectors and providers so why are women housing, clothing and feeding you! We have to get it together and become the power race that every great book talks about and every other race is afraid of!

You need A Check-Up

Everyone longs for companionship, it's human nature. But when we get a companion how do we treat them? Do we treat them with love and respect, are we honest, do we trust them? Probably not!
We nag, accuse, snoop, start false arguments and disrespect our so called loved ones just to satisfy, unbeknownst to us, our temporary insanity. Your better half may get a phone call where they fail to mention a name and oh boy there goes the attitude.
We want a significant other but when we get them they become punching bags for our blows of insecurity. We have to first understand that we are not perfect, so people are entitled to make mistakes. When we go into a relationship looking for the bad, nine times out of ten we are going to find “the bad.” If we go into a relationship looking for the good, we will find “the good.”
We must release past relationship garbage! I know it can be hard, but it’s worth it if you’re trying to find that special someone. Most people don’t even know the real reason they get into relationships. For many, it’s because they’re scared or embarrassed to be alone. But honestly that’s what we all need, some alone time.
After each relationship whether it was a good one or bad one we have to give ourselves a check-up, not the kind where you go to the doctor, which may not be a bad idea depending on the type of relationship you had, but the kind where you re-evaluate yourself.
Well how do I do that, you may ask? It’s simple. You just have to get reacquainted with yourself. Whether we know it or not a relationship can do one or two things: bring you up or pull you down. And when it’s over, we have to determine our damage. Some people can walk away without a scratch and others are not so lucky. But regardless of the damage, pat yourself on the back because you have made the first step and for some the hardest. You decided to leave!
The second step is getting to know you again. This is the fun part because you are building a relationship with yourself. Once you have a sense of self you gain a new found freedom built around your wants, needs and desires. Once you do this you can then determine what you will and will not accept in a relationship.
Now the third step is a matter of reflection. You have to determine what went wrong in the last relationship, what did you gain, what did you lose, did you grow or did you regress if you determine this now you can go into your next relationship on a clean slate and a little wiser. If you fail to do this, you will find yourself comparing your new partner with your old one and more than likely falling back into the same kind of relationship.
After you have done your reflecting, it’s time to set your standards- not six months into a relationship. It’s a matter of knowing what you want and getting what you deserve.